"I can't believe you're sober"

The statement that is sure to lead to a meaningless conversation filled with awkward silence and smiles as fake an SABC board member’s credentials. I don’t totally blame people that say this to me; I have been known to dabble in the fine art of sauce artistry on many occasions, but it’s no way to start a conversation.                                                                                                                               

Drinking and partying just go hand-in-hand for the majority of us and unfortunately so does losing cell phones, car keys and relationships in some cases. I have actually come to the conclusion that cell phones, socks, and relationships and ex Jam Alley presenters all disappear to the same place eventually.  I’m not the type to get aggressive and lose my mind when I drink so there are definitely other factors at play. We’ve all seen those guys that are just naturally aggressive and drinking only adds fuel, really overpriced fuel, to the fire.  Guys have been known to start a fight because another guy looked at his girlfriend, although there are those guys that will stare at a girl with the intensity of a morbidly obese guy watching reruns of Cake Boss. I fortunately only subscribe to the drink-and-be-merry and occasionally lose personal belongings crowd.                                                                   

But back to the disappointment caused by my sobriety. I think social networks are also partly to blame for random profile pictures and avatars’ deciding it’s ok to start a conversation with a statement that’s almost as offensive as Rihanna’s vocal range. People are bound to get comfortable with you if you let them in on your thoughts and activities all day on the various social networks available. I still have to wonder about those people with habits far worse than drinking that have turned their bodies into a biochemical hazard that would make Chernobyl look like a McDonalds Play Place. They are still able to approach me in a club and say “OMG Geeza I can’t believe you’re sober!” while I just smile and nod when what I really  want to say is “I can’t believe you’re alive” which isn’t mean at all considering the fact that the last time I saw such people they were up to their eye balls in Columbian marching powder.