I guess you know why I had to walk away, when I walked into
that Vodashop that was an awesome day. Five Blackberry handsets later, and only
in a period of 12 months, I’m losing these phones faster than virginity gets
lost during varsity O-week. I remember
my first blackberry and how excited I was to finally chat to friends for
“free”. I took the exercise of loading
BIS for the first time as seriously as dark skinned young men take their first
car high-jack job. I’m pretty sure there
are fathers out there who don’t announce the birth of their new born baby with
half the pride that some people do when they have a new blackberry and the
almighty BBM pin to share with their friends and random sexy people. The next
step was making sure I’ve got all my necessary contacts so I can live the
unlimited communication dream, soon to be a nightmare of course. And of
course before stepping out in public with my new baby I have to flex my tech
savvy muscles and grab as much cool free stuff on BlackBerry app world as
possible. App World as we know if you’ve ever used an Android or Apple handset
is a major exaggeration because maybe App Province would have been a more
fitting name to match the limited population of that place.
The Blackberry smart phone dream never lasts long though. That little black clock that sits on the
middle of the phones screen when it’s hanging caused frustration I could only
compare to a Chicken Licken cashier’s words on a rough Saturday morning when
she informs me that they have run out of wings, as if i’m there because i can’t
resist their coleslaw. The technological abomination that is Blackberry
unfortunately means that some days you have a handset that makes mobile
communication very cost effective and convenient but other days you are the
proud owner of what i could only describe as a screen saver on steroids. But maybe the phone’s constant freezing isn’t
such a bad thing, it could just be acting as a counter measure against that
quickie-inspired battery life. I’m pretty sure that right now as I write this
there is a white Kwaito artist in the Free State bragging about how his music
career lasted five minutes longer than his Blackberry battery life. And when you think you’ve received
enough of an emotional thrashing from a silly little cell phone a troop of smug
soldiers pop up wielding their iPhones and Samsung Galaxies ready to remind you
how archaic and irrelevant your BlackBerry is. Telling them to eat a slice of
go-fuck-yourself pie would be so easy and fulfilling if only they weren’t so
right and we’re are often forced to admit that our phones are the fax machine
of the 21st century, *bbm sad face*.
I realise I haven’t spoken much about how I actually lost my
phones and have chosen to dwell mostly on how the Blackberry has so many flaws,
the reason for this is simple, I simply don’t remember any of the evenings when
I lost them. A chemical imbalance in my brain caused by ethanol and flashing
lights always accompanied the disappearance of my handsets. Although some
people also believe that there is a party goblin that follows me around on
weekends and waits for the most opportune moment, usually when my body has been
dismembered by the explosions from multiple jager-bombs, to take my phones and
find them a new owner. Which reminds me that I should give a special mention to
the hero’s out there that are the new owners of my phones, illegally, and still
choose to boldly march on with my old BBM pins. SCREW YOU!
Blackberry
has changed the way we communicate with each other in good and bad ways and i
am grateful for that but it’s time for me to move on. I know it won’t be in cell
phone heaven with my first phone, a Siemens C25, or my countless Nokias and odd
Sony Ericssons but it won’t be soon forgotten. It sits up there with other
major disasters like the Titanic and the back of that fat guy’s neck in the OMO
ads. Bye blackberry.
Bye Baby
So funny!
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